HELP FOR THE FAMILY | MARRIAGE How to End “the Silent Treatment”

THE CHALLENGE How do two people who have vowed to love each other get to the point where they refuse to talk for hours—or even days? ‘At least we stopped fighting,’ they tell themselves. Still, the issue has not been resolved, and they both feel uncomfortable. WHY IT HAPPENS Retaliation. Some spouses use silence as a form of revenge. For example, suppose a husband makes weekend plans without consulting his wife. When she finds out, she is angry and calls him inconsiderate. He responds by calling her oversensitive. The wife storms off and stews in silence. In effect, she is saying, “You hurt me, so I am going to hurt you back.” Manipulation. Some use the silent treatment as a means to get what they want. For example, imagine that a husband and wife plan a trip and the wife would like to take her parents along. The husband objects. “You’re married to me, not to your parents,” he says. He then gives his wife the silent treatment, shunning her in the hope that she will break down and concede to his wishes. Of course, a temporary time-out can give a couple the opportunity to let emotions cool when an argument is getting out of hand. That type of silence can be beneficial. The Bible says that there is “a time to keep quiet.” (Ecclesiastes 3:7) But when it is used as a means to retaliate or manipulate, the silent treatment not only prolongs conflict but also erodes the respect the couple have for each other. How can you prevent that from happening to you? WHAT YOU CAN DO The first step to ending the silent treatment is to recognize it for what it is—a tactic that, at best, works only short-term. True, not talking may quench your thirst for retaliation or compel your spouse to give in to your wishes. But is that really how you want to treat someone whom you have vowed to love? There are better ways to resolve conflicts. Be discerning. The Bible says that love “does not become provoked.” (1 Corinthians 13:4, 5) So don’t overreact to such emotionally charged statements as “You never listen” or “You are always late.” Instead, discern the intent behind the words. For instance, “You never listen” might really mean “I feel as if you don’t take my viewpoint seriously.”—Bible principle: Proverbs 14:29. Think of your spouse as your teammate rather than an opponent Lower your voice. Arguments tend to escalate as they continue. On the other hand, you can change the direction of a heated discussion. How? The book Fighting for Your Marriage says: “Softening your tone and acknowledging your partner’s point of view are potent tools you can employ to diffuse tension and end escalation. Often that’s all it takes.”—Bible principle: Proverbs 26:20. Think of “we” instead of “me.” The Bible says: “Let each one keep seeking, not his own advantage, but that of the other person.” (1 Corinthians 10:24) If you think of your spouse as your teammate rather than your opponent, you will be less likely to take offense, argue, and then refuse to talk to your spouse.—Bible principle: Ecclesiastes 7:9. The silent treatment runs counter to the Bible’s admonition: “Let each one of you individually so love his wife as he does himself; on the other hand, the wife should have deep respect for her husband.” (Ephesians 5:33) Why not make an agreement with your spouse that the silent treatment is unacceptable in your marriage? KEY SCRIPTURES “He that is slow to anger is abundant in discernment.”—Proverbs 14:29. “Where there is no wood the fire goes out.”—Proverbs 26:20. “Do not hurry yourself in your spirit to become offended.”—Ecclesiastes 7:9. THROW THE BALL GENTLY The Bible states: “Let your utterance be always with graciousness, seasoned with salt, so as to know how you ought to give an answer to each one.” (Colossians 4:6) This certainly applies in marriage! To illustrate: In a game of catch, you toss the ball so that it can be caught easily. You do not fling it with such force that you injure your partner. Apply the same principle when speaking with your spouse. Hurling bitter remarks will only cause harm. Instead, speak gently—with graciousness—so that your mate can catch your point.—From Awake! January 8, 2001.

How to Control Your Spending

In addition to the external pressure we face from marketing, our own feelings and habits can contribute to excessive spending. Here are six suggestions to help you keep spending under control. Resist impulse buying. Do you enjoy the excitement of shopping and finding a bargain? If so, you may tend to purchase on impulse. To resist, slow down and think realistically about the long-term consequences of buying, owning, and maintaining what you are planning to buy. Stop and remember past impulse purchases that you later regretted. Give yourself a “cooldown” period before making your final decision. Avoid shopping to alter your mood. Shopping can temporarily lift you out of a bad mood. But when negative feelings return, you may feel even stronger pressure to seek relief through spending. Instead of shopping to improve your mood, seek out supportive friends or engage in some physical activity, such as taking a walk. Do not shop for recreation. Lavish shopping malls have turned shopping into entertainment. Although you may visit a mall or browse the Internet simply for enjoyment, much of what you see is designed to stimulate your desire to buy. Shop only when you have a specific purchase in mind, and stick to your plan. Choose your associations carefully. The lifestyle and conversation of your friends greatly influence your desires. If you are overspending to keep pace with your friends, then choose friends who place less emphasis on money and material things. Use credit cards wisely. Credit cards make it easy for you to buy while ignoring the consequences. Try to pay credit card balances in full each month. Know your credit card’s interest rates and fees, and compare credit offers to find the most affordable cards. Be wary of premium cards that have higher borrowing costs and offer benefits that you do not need. Instead of purchasing on credit, save for larger purchases and pay cash. Know your financial status. It is easier to spend excessively if you are not sure about your financial status. Keep up-to-date records, and know your total financial situation. Create a realistic monthly spending plan based on your income and past expenses. Track your spending, and compare it with your plan. Ask a trusted friend for help in understanding financial matters that are unfamiliar to you. Protecting Children From Consumer Culture Children are a special target of advertisers, and understandably so. Young people are shopping and spending more than ever before. In the United States, teenagers represent a multibillion-dollar annual market. However, researcher Juliet Schor suggests that children who are highly involved in consumer culture are more prone to childhood depression and anxiety and have worse relationships with their parents. How can you protect your children? Consider the practical ways some parents have endeavored to protect their children. EDUCATE: “You cannot totally protect kids from advertising because it is everywhere. So we explain to our girls that advertisers have an agenda and that the companies that hire them want money. They don’t have our best interests in mind.”—James and Jessica. STAY IN CONTROL: “Kids put pressure on you to buy, and they really try to break you down. But it is important not to give in. Eventually they learn that they won’t get everything. As we were raising our daughter, we often talked together as parents about how to be balanced and what limits to set.”—Scott and Kelli. LIMIT EXPOSURE: “Our family watches very little television. It’s just not a part of our family routine. We fill time that could be spent watching TV with other activities. We cook and eat together, and our boys are avid readers.”—John and Jenniffer.

COVER SUBJECT: ARE WE BUYING TOO MUCH? Why Do We Buy?

In a global survey released in 2012, half the responders admitted to buying things they really did not need. Two thirds are worried that consumers are buying too much. Such concerns may be justified. Many consumers have become trapped in spiraling debt. Researchers say that instead of making us more satisfied, high levels of consumption may lead to greater stress and unhappiness! So, then, why are we buying so much? AS CONSUMERS, we are subjected to a relentless barrage of marketing. What is the goal of marketers? To turn wants into needs. Marketers know that consumer behavior is driven largely by emotion. So advertisements and the shopping experience itself are designed for maximum emotional appeal. The book Why People Buy Things They Don’t Need says: “In planning a new purchase, a consumer often develops elaborate fantasies surrounding search for an item, finding it, and making it their own.” Some experts suspect that buyers can get so excited while shopping that they may actually experience a rush of adrenaline. Marketing expert Jim Pooler explains: “If the retailer can sense this emotional state he can tap into it and take advantage of the customer’s elevated arousal level and weakened defenses.” How can you protect yourself from becoming a victim of clever marketers? Put emotion aside, and compare marketing promises with reality. THE PROMISE: “Improve Your Quality of Life” It is natural to want a better life. Advertisers bombard us with messages that all of our desires—better health, security, relief from stress, and closer relationships—can be achieved by making the right purchases. REALITY CHECK: As our number of possessions increases, our quality of life can actually decrease. Additional time and money are needed to care for more material things. Stress levels rise because of pressure from debt, and there is less time for family and friends. As our number of possessions increases, our quality of life can actually decrease Principle: “Even when a person has an abundance his life does not result from the things he possesses.”—Luke 12:15. THE PROMISE: “Gain Status and Prestige” Few people will admit that they make purchases to impress others. However, Jim Pooler notes: “When people shop, a very important aspect of their behavior is that they are competing with friends, neighbors, coworkers and relatives.” For this reason, ads often show products being enjoyed by successful, affluent people. The message such ads send to consumers is: “This can be you!” REALITY CHECK: Defining our self-worth through comparison with others creates a never-ending cycle of dissatisfaction. When one level of aspiration is achieved, the next level immediately becomes desirable. Principle: “A mere lover of silver will not be satisfied with silver.”—Ecclesiastes 5:10. THE PROMISE: “Define Your Identity” The book Shiny Objects explains: “A common way we tell others who we are (or would like to be) is through our use and display of material possessions.” Marketers know this and work to associate product brands—especially luxury brands—with specific lifestyles and values. How do you see yourself, and how do you want others to see you? As stylish? As athletic? No matter what image you want, marketing promises that if you simply buy the right brand, you can adopt the brand’s identity as part of your own. REALITY CHECK: No product purchase can change who we really are or give us admirable qualities, such as honesty and personal integrity. Principle: “Do not let your adornment be . . . the putting on of gold ornaments or the wearing of outer garments, but let it be the secret person of the heart.”—1 Peter 3:3, 4. A Balanced View of Possessions Marketing promises rarely match reality. However, there is a reliable guide to living a balanced, happy life. All the principles cited in this article are found in the Bible, the Word of God. The Bible does not condemn owning material things but teaches that greater happiness comes from a way of life that is “free of the love of money.”—Hebrews 13:5. Modern Marketing Methods In addition to television, printed material, and Internet advertising, modern marketers use a growing number of sophisticated methods. PRODUCT PLACEMENT: Products and brand names are subtly displayed in television shows, movies, and video games. STEALTH MARKETING: Paid representatives enthusiastically use and talk to others about products in everyday settings without appearing to be sponsored to do so. WORD-OF-MOUTH MARKETING: Advertising agents are encouraged to make comments about products to their friends and on social media networks. These agents may be given product samples or other rewards to motivate their participation.

Should We Break Up?

First, choose a proper setting for the discussion. What could that be? A BíbliaFirst, choose a proper setting for the discussion. What could that be? Well, think about how you would like to be treated. (Matthew 7:12) Would you want the announcement to be made in front of others? Likely not. Unless circumstances make it advisable, it would be best not to terminate a relationship by means of a telephone answering machine, a text message, or an e-mail. Instead, choose a time and place that will enable you to discuss this serious matter. What should you say when the time comes to speak up? The apostle Paul urged Christians to “speak truth” with one another.—Ephesians 4:25. The best course, then, is to be tactful yet firm. State clearly why you feel that this relationship won’t work for you. You don’t need to recite a laundry list of faults or let loose with a barrage of criticism. In fact, instead of saying, “You don’t do this” or “You never do that,” it would be better to use phrases that focus on how you feel—“I need a person who . . .” or “I feel that this relationship should end because . . .” This is no time to be wishy-washy or to yield to another’s opinion. Remember, you have chosen to break up for a serious reason. So be cautious if your friend attempts to change your mind through subtle forms of manipulation. “After I ended the relationship,” says a young woman named Lori, “my ex-boyfriend started acting depressed all the time. I think he did it to make me feel sorry for him. I did feel bad. But I didn’t allow his reaction to alter my decision.” Like Lori, know your own mind. Stick to your decision. Let your no mean no.—James 5:12. Aftermath of a Breakup. Don’t be surprised if you’re deeply upset for a time after the breakup. You might even feel like the psalmist who said: “I have become disconcerted, I have bowed low to an extreme degree; all day long I have walked about sad.”—Psalm 38:6. Some well-intentioned friends may try to help by encouraging you to give the relationship another chance. Be careful! You, not your well-meaning friends, will have to live with your decision. So don’t be afraid to remain firm—even though you may feel sad about what’s happened.

Hi To You...

Hi, This is for you, if I run away for months or even years, don't be sad, cos even though I'm miles away, my heart still thinking about you, I know what you're doing, what you eat and also how you doing. I do kiss your smille sometimes, wispering in your ears some sweets words, that I wish you could ear it. Happiness is all I wish for you.

Remember, into my heart, there will be always a place for you, cos you so special to me, I LOVE YOU. Good morning Friends. MAY GOD BLESS YOU ALL. Xoxo.

Once Upon A Time...

Era uma vez, uma Mulher que cansou-se de ser adulta por um dia, resolveu deixar o trabalho, as preocupacoes, os problemas, as inquietacoes, os desejos, os pensamentos, etc de lado. O weather nao estava grande coisa, a previsao do tempo era de chuva mas, a temperatura, estava em seu favor. Ela pensou entao qual seria a aventura mais gostosa e agradavel que faz um ser esquecer-se dos grandes monstros, que eram entao os problemas de gente grande... Timmm?!, Nada melhor que tornar-se uma crianca, nao acha? Chegou entao a um consenso, fazer uma visita ao "Daiana Memorial Park" um lugar full de alegria e adventura, assim foi. O farnel foi preparado, o carro ficou na garagem e; off she went, a caminho do Bus stop, e como se nao bastase sem deixar a pose de lado, o salto alto fazia compania aos seus pes que reclamavam mui alto kkk. Posta la, dispiu-se de toda adultaidade e explorou a magia daquele lugar com as criancas lindas de quase todos os continentes. Havia brilho nos olhos daquelas criancas quando entravam no Peter Pan Land, ate ela, a Mulher arrepiou-se de ver tamanha cumplicidade.

Com as criancas divertiu-se ate nao mais, sem lembrar do tempo, ali estava como se fosse uma crianca de 4 anos kk.

Sentimentos indescritiveis misturaram-se como um cocketail de alegrias.

Mas a chuva como a vilan da historia resolveu cair, mas nada atrapalhou a aventura dela...as criancas brincavam como nunca.

Ate elas fizeram parte da historia dela, repara o sorriso no rosto, que mel neh?

Familias, professores e seus alunos tambem discontrairam naquele dia, e o som que este instrumento ecoava man speechless lindo de se ouvir.

Depois claro bateu a fome, depois de abastecer o estomago com uma sandes de eggs, gapes, yogurt de toffee, cheesecake kkk comendo sem nocao, a chuva intensificou-se e ja nao dava para continuar a aventura...

Comeca a outra fase da jornada, os buses estavam em diversion e la estava ela andando e com os pes doendo, ate chegar no proximo bus stop. Depois de esperar 10 minutos la vinha o bus...eeeeei uhumm...45 minutos depois chegou em casa bem estafada, e adormecendo capotou por 2 horas!! E assim foi.

ERA UMA VEZ, QUE EU NAO CONTO OUTRA VEZ KKK. THE END...

Hum !! Sera?

Hoje acordei assim meio que azeda, depois do sonho que tive esta madrugada. Sinceramente, as vezes acho que vejo as coisas mesmo antes de elas acontecerem. Fico num nervozismo so, me debrusando de um lado para o outro, tentando encontrar um significado, uma razao para tal...mas infelizmente nao a acho. Sera algo premeditado pelo destino? I REALLY DON'T KNOW FOR SURE!! Talvez seja apenas coisas da minha imaginacao, se calhar; a crianca dentro de mim ainda fala mais alto que a minha adultaidade kkk, acabei de formar uma palavra que talvez nao se encontre em nenhum dicionario. Sera que estou desafiando minha capacidade de raciocinio? Well maybe... ou simplesmente a minha "Mente" resolveu colocar armadilhas em meus pensamentos? Mas e que parece tao real as vezes, e alguns desses sonhos tornaram-se realidade, coisa que me deixa estupafada, sem action total. Maybe I've got a strong personality and it is really causing me serious problems. But on the other hand, I think is a blessing to. Well, if I'm wrong or Right just God knows!! GOOD MORNING TOO YOU ALL, BOM DIA PARA TODOS VOCES. Sejem Felizes por favor, e facam alguem Feliz tambem, e, quanto ao respeito, este tem de ser mutuo Ok people ¬¬ My eyes are on you all xoxo.